Funny Christmas quotes to give you a giggle this festive season
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
– Victor Borge
“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.””
– John Leo
"I once bought my kids batteries for chrsitms waith a note on it sayin,'toys not included'"
- Bernard Manning
“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”
– Tom Armstrong
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.”
– Catherine Tate
“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.”
- Tom Simms
“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”
– Wendy Cope
"Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help."
- Andy Borowitz
“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”
– Dave Berry
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