Longford mental health recovery advocate talks up importance of self-compassion

What a loser! You look like a total idiot in that shirt. These are not the words you would say to a friend, right?

It’s natural to try to be kind to the people we care about in our lives especially if things just do not go their way.

We like to be a reassuring voice. Essentially most of us are very good at being understanding, kind and compassionate towards others.

But a lot of us would rarely even think about treating ourselves with the compassion and kindness we show others.

We can often have this nagging inner voice that continually criticises and berates us, leaving us feeling worthless, incompetent and insecure.

Then we could be on the road to negative cycles of self-loathing and self sabotage.

But step forward the other part of our inner voice, who also plays a role, that of a supportive friend.

We can – when we notice some personal failing – feel safe and accepted enough to both see ourselves clearly and make the changes needed for us to be healthier and happier.

People who are compassionate towards themselves are much less likely to be depressed, anxious, and stressed.

Tapping into our own self-kindness makes us much more likely to be happy and optimistic about our future. We become resilient.

Self-compassion means understanding the causes and conditions that lead us to act as we do. Compassion is smart.

It sees through the illusion that we have full control over our actions.

Compassion acknowledges the truth that we are imperfect beings who are impacted by things over which we have no control — our genes, early family history, culture, life circumstances to name but a few.

Common humanity involves recognising that all humans are imperfect, fail and make mistakes. If we step back and see our painful feelings, recognise how our own inner critic is bashing us, and understand this in a clear and balanced manner, then we neither ignore nor obsesses about our disliked aspects of ourselves or our lives. By doing this we can create a self-compassionate frame of mind: a compassion that can be extended toward ourselves when suffering occurs through no fault of our own or else when our suffering stems from our own mistakes, failures or personal inadequacies.

On the subject of self compassion and resilience Bríd O'Meara, Director of Services at Aware told me:

“Resilience gives us the ability to cope with life’s challenges, ultimately helping us to maintain our mental health in difficult circumstances.

“While some people may appear to have a greater capacity for resilience than others, it's important to understand that we build resilience throughout our lives. It's not something that you have or don't have.

“At Aware we place great emphasis on empowering people to build their resilience through education, self-compassion and equipping them with the tools to deal with the daily stresses of modern life.”

Aware also have a fabulous series of videos called The Resilience Series available via www.aware.ie featuring contributions from legendary Aslan frontman Christy Dignam and former Ireland Rugby international Alan Quinlan‬.

Ultimately most of us are proficient at being kind, understanding and compassionate to those we care about. To really benefit from self-compassion, all you need to do is turn around and apply those same skills towards yourself.

It’s much easier and simpler than you think, and it could change your life.